First, let's just get this part out of the way. I had my two year Leukemia diagnosis anniversary on November 30th, 2012. Instead of feeling celebratory, I felt sad and ever so slightly hopeless. For the life of me, I couldn't figure where this despair came from and why it appeared. Up until that point, I had been very clear that the Leukemia battle I had fought made me stronger and I was happy to be with the living. Then my two year diagnosis anniversary arrived and I felt despondent. What was going on?
Looking back now, I can see that my altar for Dia de los Muertos, "Healing Embrace" at SOMArts was a brush with my reality. I was forced to look back at my Leukemia diagnosis and 8 months of treatment and in a sense relive the fear, pain and confinement. The "warrior" in me was tired of being strong and well , I needed to face the fear. Questions of how long do I have before my next cancer scare, will I succumb to cancer, how long do I have to live, plus worrying about any signs of fatigue were all present. I was a mess and didn't feel like putting these feelings into words.
I can't really say what helped exactly in extracting myself from the sadness. I know that my annual "gurlz weekend" up in Sonoma with my fabulous friends Danna and Chris helped. We managed to talk through whatever needed talking through PLUS watched all the episodes of Downton Abey, Series One! Very therapeutic. Also, this February, I learned that my friend Csaba in New Orleans had had a stroke. He is only 49. My self-absorbed "oh woe is me" time turned to helping Csaba with words of encouragement. It was also major incentive to pull myself out of the dregs of sadness.
So, I'm back. I can't guarantee there won't be another time of sadness but I'm happy to have weathered this round.
What have I been doing? Well, I may have been sad but I was still painting and making stuff in my studio.
I've worked on a couple of Dia de los Muertos paintings and some new Frida paintings. Take a look!
|Las Manos de Frida|
|La Rosa Frida|
Well, it feels good to be writing in my blog again. My friend Lara Medina from L.A. is coming with her daughter Marisol. Marisol is now a college Freshman at UCSC. Time passes! Anyway, I have to get a few things together. Yesterday my Mom and sister were visiting along with son Mario and Adela with Leo (eight years) and 20 month old Isabelle and of course my girl Gaby who helped Gary (husband) with the cooking. With just a little bit of cleanup and organizing, I was able to relax and enjoy the conversation.
Very good times!!